Mirrors. We use them every day. We use rear-view Mirrors in our vehicles to alert us of potential dangers and cautions behind us. We position Mirrors at corners of buildings and hallways to "see" what is around the corner. And, of course, we spend a fair amount of time every day standing before our personal Mirrors while we prepare ourselves to leave the house. Mirrors definitely have a use and purpose in our world. Today I want to talk about three different types of mirrors as a metaphor for how we view ourselves and our feelings of self worth.
Concave Mirrors. Science is amazing. This type of mirror makes it possible so that from far away, objects seem small and upside down, but as you get closer, the image flips and magnifies.
As I thought about this concept in relation to self worth, I wondered how many times we view ourselves- our lives through magnification mirror eyes. Are we ever so “zoomed in” or focused on our flaws, faults or weaknesses that they become magnified in our minds and we lose sight of the big picture.
Many Latter-day Saints have unhealthy feelings about their own inadequacies, real or imagined. The scriptures inform us that we all have weaknesses and that there is a place for them in our spiritual progress: “If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).
Too often we wallow in our weaknesses so much that we do not allow “weak things” to “become strong.” Our condition is frequently misdiagnosed as humility, when in reality it is a lack of confidence. What is the difference between the two?
To be humble is to recognize our utter dependence upon the Lord. We are conscious of our strengths, but we do not exalt ourselves and become prideful, for we know that all good things ultimately come from God. We are conscious of our weaknesses, but we know the Lord can use those very weaknesses to bless our lives and that through Him, as we learn from the book of Ether, our weaknesses can become strengths.
To lack confidence is to have feelings of low self-worth. We are preoccupied with our weaknesses, and we lack faith in the Lord’s ability to use those weaknesses for our good. We do not understand our worth in the eyes of God, nor do we appreciate our divine potential. Ironically, both pride and a lack of self-confidence cause us to focus excessively on ourselves and to deny the power of God in our lives.
Negative thoughts can become paralyzing as Elder Pace stated, we will not be able to overcome weaknesses if we wallow in them. Reflect upon your thoughts when you look in mirror or think about yourself or your life. Are you dwelling too much on your weaknesses, so that they pre-occupy your mind? Is yours a magnification mirror? If so, take a step back, recognize the distortion, and watch how much smaller things seem.
Magic Mirrors: In the fairy tale Snow White, The evil queen goes to her magic mirror and asks, “mirror, mirror on the wall- who is the fairest of them all” If I understand the story correctly, The evil queen calls to her mirror daily not to make sure she was the best she could personally be… but to make sure she was the most beautiful of all. Her downfall was not rooted in dissatisfaction with her own personal appearance but rather in how she rated when compared with everyone else.
Luckily magic mirrors don’t exist right? We don’t consult them in daily gauging to how we are doing compared to others… I wonder though if we don’t have we have our own “magic mirrors” in the form of social media. How is it possible to avoid comparing ourselves to others when our lives are “posted” and “shared” and then ranked for everyone to see how many others “like” what we are doing, and how we look doing it! Social media can serve a purpose. It allows us to connect with old friends, and stay in touch with loved ones. But like everything media related, caution should be exercised.
When we place our personal value in the hands of others, when our sense of self worth is built upon the standards or opinions of the world, we will always come up short. There will always be someone who is better at something than you. If we were all completely exceptional at everything, life would hold no wonder. There would be no goal setting, improving, learning or growth. And we wouldn’t need each other. I personally need the people in this world with musical talent. While I would love to possess the ability to sing, I can content myself with the joy of listening to those who can.
Spoke about comparing ourselves physically with others,
“Please be more accepting of yourselves, including your body shape and style, with a little less longing to look like someone else. We are all different. Some are tall, and some are short. Some are round, and some are thin. And almost everyone at some time or other wants to be something they are not!
When you let people’s opinions make you self-conscious you give away your power. … The key to feeling [confident] is to always listen to your inner self—[the real you.]”8 And in the kingdom of God, the real you is “more precious than rubies.”9 Every young woman is a child of destiny and every adult woman a powerful force for good. I mention adult women because, sisters, you are our greatest examples and resource for young women.. We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard. But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size.
Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard. You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, “If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.” That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard. In terms of preoccupation with self and a fixation on the physical, this is more than social insanity; it is spiritually destructive, and it accounts for much of the unhappiness women, face in the modern world. And if adults are preoccupied with appearance—tucking and nipping and implanting and remodeling everything that can be remodeled—those pressures and anxieties will certainly seep through to children. At some point the problem becomes what the Book of Mormon called “vain imaginations.”11 And in secular society both vanity and imagination run wild. One would truly need a great and spacious makeup kit to compete with beauty as portrayed in media all around us. Yet at the end of the day there would still be those “in the attitude of mocking and pointing their fingers” as Lehi saw,12 because however much one tries in the world of glamour and fashion, it will never be glamorous enough.
If your self-worth is suffering based on physical appearance, take a look at the time you spend comparing yourself to others. When you find yourself feeling low and frustrated with yourself physically you might try redirecting your focus; instead of looking inward, try looking outward. Pay someone a compliment, or perform an act of service. It will serve as a beauty treatment for your soul and you will be amazed at how beauty and confidence from the inside radiate outward.
Comparing ourselves with others does not limit itself to the physical. How many times have you felt good about yourself until you saw what someone else did? Has social media or the worlds standards tempted you to compare yourself to others to the point of dissatisfaction? Have you been consulting a magic mirror daily without even realizing what you are doing? If so, evaluate what changes you can make to avoid the unhappy ending that magic mirrors will certainly achieve.
Before we go on, let me clarify that I understand, and recognize that chronic depression is a real and true condition. My heart goes out to those sisters who do or have struggled with these prolonged feelings of unworthiness. I urge any of you who have serious depression or know of someone who does, to please seek the help of trusted professionals and church leaders. That being said, for whatever reason, most of us experience feelings of discouragement have felt sad or inadequate at one time or another. It is part of our mortality to suffer occasionally because of our weaknesses, to have times of self-doubt and unhappiness.
The question is, how do we overcome those feelings? We have talked about recognizing the voice in our head and changing negative thinking, as well as adopting a change of perspective and focus which will go a long way toward combating feelings of inadequacy. But there is another answer to improving self-worth that can be found in the third type of mirror.
This third mirror will show us our worth not through magnified eyes, or through magic eyes, but rather will show us our true reflection. In my mind, I picture this mirror like one of those you see on crime fighting shows. You know, the two way kind that they use to observe people or in interrogation rooms.
When I think about this mirror I imagine myself looking into the mirror side and seeing my reflection, clouded as it is will all my mortal baggage, with all the thoughts and doubts that distort my perspective, while on the other side stands My Heavenly Father, who as he looks through the glass can only see me.
Elder Gerrit W. Gong of the Seventy spoke of this mirror in the October 2010 General conference. He had a better name and description of it He said,
I recently stood in a house of the Lord with a worthy couple there to receive marriage blessings by covenant.
I found myself looking with this beautiful couple into the temple mirrors—one mirror on this side, one mirror on that side. Together the temple mirrors reflect back and forth images that stretch seemingly into eternity.
Temple mirrors of eternity remind us that each human being has “divine nature and destiny.”
While actually being in the temple is the ideal way in which to view oneself through the temple mirror of eternity, I would suggest that it is not the only way. Just as it is possible to find yourself viewing life through mirrors of magnification or magic, we can also adopt a temple mirror perspective.
Matthew 22:39 tells us the second great commandment is to “love thy neighbour as thyself.”
Christ taught us to love one another as He loves us. Loving one another also means to love who you are. We as women should love ourselves so that others may love us too. If we dislike ourselves or feel depressed or frustrated with an aspect of whom or what we are, or our bodies, we are actually not keeping the second greatest commandment To love yourself means to forgive yourself for your mistakes and with a firm purpose to try again having faith in yourself that you can do it better the next time around. To have self esteem is also to know who you are and be glad of it. Our Heavenly Father wants us to feel good about ourselves. We are His daughters and can and should love who we are.
Reading the scriptures will allow us to look at ourselves through the temple mirror of eternity and through it learn that we are of great worth to God, and that we are commanded to love ourselves. Developing a personal relationship with God and with the Savior will also help us to develop that temple mirror perspective.
Jeffrey C. Jacob (January 1991 Ensign) gave three ways to help develop that personal relationship with God and the Savior
“Many of us feel alone as we attempt to overcome life’s small frustrations and major disappointments. Of course, most of us can say that we know God loves his children. We can bear testimony to the principles of the gospel and the inspiration of our leaders. Yet it seems most difficult to feel that the Lord loves us personally and profoundly and that he acts upon that love to bless us, even in the seemingly insignificant details of our lives. But if we knew that he does, wouldn’t our self-esteem blossom? Wouldn’t we find this love to be a powerful motivator to help us overcome the weaknesses that trouble us?
He suggests 3 ways in which to develop that relationship.
1. Prayer. The first step toward a Christ-centered sense of personal worth is prayer.
To learn that you are of infinite worth in the sight of God, kneel before the Lord in sincere prayer and directly but humbly asked him to let you know that he knows and cares about you.
2. Scripture Study. The next step to receiving a witness of Heavenly Father’s love is careful and prayerful scripture study, searching for manifestations of our Father’s love
3. Self-Reflection. The words “My Savior loves me and has suffered for my sins and weaknesses” can remain empty because you do not yet feel that the Savior really loves you personally. Examine your life closely to see if you can also find the influence of a loving Father. Remarkably, even the most frustrated and desperate can see the hand of the Lord in their lives and can see how Heavenly Father has nurtured them along their life’s journey.”
Sisters, I know it is easy to get bogged down in the necessities of life to become discouraged and wonder if what we do matters, if we are good enough, strong enough, and measuring up. We have pressures and mortal mirrors assaulting us and causing us to feel the answer is “no” When those times come, I urge you to turn to the Lord in prayer, scripture study, or temple attendance. Find a temple mirror of eternity and see yourself as you truly are.
In the words of President Uchtdorf,
“You are no ordinary beings, you are glorious and eternal. I plead with you to see your true reflection, see beyond imperfections and self doubts, and recognize who you truly are… a daughter of almighty God.”
Love all your talks:) absolutely wonderful! Might pick on some for our conference:)
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